Like my new nickname?

Guess what? I have a new nickname. I won't tell you until I tell you the story why I am getting this nickname. It kinda hit me while driving yesterday as I started thinking about every guy that I seriously dated in the past few years dating back to 2000. I was trying to figure out the pattern to why every guy I have been with falls out of love with me. I have mostly been dumped by all of these guys. Only one guy I have dumped within this time period. Sad, huh? I did have my first two year relationship starting in 1998 after I graduated from high school. This guy really seemed to love me but got aggressive later on in the relationship and I had found out he was dealing drugs a year later but was too scared to leave him. I got the guts one day, dumped him on the phone, and hung up on him. Pretty cool for a 19 year old! He isn't really part of the story, it started happening after I left this guy. I am going to give the guys names but not their real names to protect confidentially. For those of you who know me, you might know some of them but don't tell them I am writing about them! I will start with 1998 when I went to the photo lab to get my pictures developed. Yes, I was with the other guy. Anyways, I remember filling out the envelope with my name and phone number, etc. and I looked up and saw "that guy I was going to marry." It was a feeling I had never had before. He was decent looking and was very mature acting. He wasn't THAT handsome but to me he was. I will call him Pilotman (because he loved to fly airplanes). I didn't say much. I just dropped off my pictures and when I came back for them, he was gone. I actually came back a week later to see him again hoping to talk to him. Someone at the lab said that he no longer worked there. Bummer.... A year later, 1999, I got hired at the photo lab and actually had forgotten that Pilotman worked there. He later came back to work for the lab when I was hired. I looked at him as he walked in the lab and I immediately recognized him as the man I would marry. He was married..... DARN IT! He got married when he was 20 and was married a year ago. When I first saw him a year ago, he had just gotten married and left to live in Asheville, but they couldn't afford the house there so they came back home. Why didn't I recognize the ring in the first place? ARRGGHH! So... I remained friends with him and actually dated his brother for the heck of it or maybe just to get to know Pilotman a little better regardless if he was married. I wasn't trying to steal him away from his wife, I was just really interested in his views of life. While dating his brother, I was able to get to know Pilotman very well. His wife was ok with our friendship. But his brother starts driving me really crazy and we cut off that small dating whatever we were. Two months later, Pilotman calls me and tells me he got separated. I was actually ecstatic, how crazy was that?! We started hanging out a lot and for the next couple of months we were dating. He didn't mention too much about his wife and I couldn't believe he was with me that fast. We had lots of fun with his family, going places, and chilling at his house. I remember I was a little tipsy at my sorority social in 2001 and he was trying to sneak me out of the social because the police had barged in after they heard that it had an open bar and the majority of sisters were underage! "You need to act sober," I remember him constantly saying. That night, I remember he had to put me to bed with a trash can on the side. A few months later, he started pulling away and telling me he's not ready to jump into a relationship. I was a little, no very, upset. This was the first guy I KNEW I love. It was the first time I felt love. I had to let him go and then later found out, he was dating someone else while being dishonest to me saying he wasn't ready. He was on the rebound and was looking for something to take his mind off the separation. To this day, he is still with that girl. Going on seven years! I felt like crap....

After Pilotman, I moved on, I was young, I had A LOT of time to start my future. I saw his brother again for a while. I was THAT bored! His brother actually got me into going to church again so I start going to church regularly and stuck with Christian values. I am thankful for that. Then... in 2003.... Moviefreak (movies are his life, he is the next Steven Spielburg! Or the next Dawson from Dawson's Creek and LOOKED like him!) comes along as my friend Susan invites me to Kings Dominion with two of her guy friends. Little did I know that Moviefreak would ask me out the next day! I didn't really know what to say, I wasn't that interested but he asked me to go on a trip with his family and hey, I couldn't say no. Three months before, he had gotten out of a five year relationship with a girl that dumped him because he proposed to her! He still had the ring! She freaked and left! He didn't mention much about her, he talked negatively about her I guess because he was angry that she left him. But he rarely said much about her. I heard more about her from his cousin of how she was like but I didn't really care for that information. I stayed at his house ALL the time. His family was very close to me especially his little sister. She was 9 when Moviefreak and I started going out and always sat with me, played games with me, and eventually I ended up taking her whereever she wanted to go. She constantly mentioned, "I think people think we are mother and daughter." It made me feel good. His grandmother and mother would the greatest people in the world and I loved his grandmother because she cooked all the time, the greatest country food! I got to the point where I would call her grandma sometimes. I think I became more attached to his family than him. He sat at the TV most of the time and never really took me out very much. If we ever really went on dates, it was the movie theater that he was the manager of. All the free movies we could watch! Wow. We would watch the new releases the night before they came out at 2am on Thursday nights! I think the first movie we saw was American Wedding. But that's all we ever really did. I would go spend time with his family and his mom brought me to her church constantly which became my church now: C3. I still see her and his sister there. As the relationship started to fizzle, I was constantly on him about getting out and taking me places. He got fed up one day, pushed me, and left his house with me there alone! While he was gone, I found a letter below some papers and it was addressed to Susan our friend that hooked up us. He quoted, "I miss Cheri (his ex). Crystal isn't who I want." I was shocked to see that all this time, he was still thinking of her. Again, he conquered me on the rebound as he was dealing with his breakup from his "future fiancee." I realized in the end, I didn't really love him. I did like him in the beginning of the relationship but only stayed with him because it was company. I never stayed at my Mom's new house in Clayton, it wasn't until we broke up in mid 2005, I started getting to know some of my mom's neighbors which brings me to an interesting point later.

I am not spending much time talking about Thief. He was the one that stole my money. There isn't much to say about him except he was a liar. He started dating me telling me he had two kids with his FORMER wife. During our short lived relationship, he was on the phone with her everyday for a long period of time. I told him that had to stop. He said that she had his kids and he wanted to see how they were doing. I didn't think it would take but less than ten minutes to find that out. In the end, he was out the door with my pin # and debit card (I can't imagine how he found my pin #) and went back to his FORMER wife in which I found out in court when I dragged his butt there that they were never formally separated....

In the end up to this point, I met the second love of my life. I would call him Mechanic because he loves to fix cars. He was the neighbor of my mom. I remember I had the SAME feeling about him as I did Pilotman. That love at first sight feeling. He was in my yard around February 2004 talking to my mom. I was actually visiting my mom from moviefreak's house that day. Dang it! Did I just see a ring on this guy?! Oh come on! I excused myself and later told my mom later that I felt something for that guy and I was jealous that he was married. I told my mom at that time that I would rather be with mechanic than with moviefreak if pigs could fly. He lived with his wife at the time next door. When I was at my mom's house and not at Moviefreak's house, I did see the handsome blonde in his backyard or hanging around his house. After Thief and I ended our relationship, I heard that the Mechanic was single and his wife was gone. I thought "Well I am going to talk to him, no matter what!" He was my medicine to cure me from Thief. I will always thank God that he was brought into my life for that reason. Without him there, I don't know what would have happened to me. I think I would have done something bad to Thief. I came to a point where I just wanted to hurt Thief for destroying my life and making me homeless at a point to where I had no money to even eat or gas to put into my car. Unfortunately, this Mechanic like most of the others had separated from his wife four months earlier. Another guy on the rebound. I am not going to go into much detail about this one. All I can say is of all the guys I have been with, the Mechanic was the one that affected my life in a good way. His personality and charm was all that mattered to me. I didn't want him to go and buy me stuff or take me places, I was content just talking to him. Just to find out that he stops loving me, and he doesn't know why, it's the worst feeling in the world. In comparison to his ex, I don't meet the standards ever.

My nickname is "Rebound Girl" for the majority of guys I have dated see me in their path and figure I will be the way that will take up their time without thinking about the one that really matters to them. It always ends up with them telling me that they love the person before me. Don't get me wrong, I am sure they really loved me in the beginning but deep down inside their souls, they were loving their first loves.

This is off the point but anyways:
After analyzing this yesterday, I have come to the conclusion that there were two guys I ever really loved and to my surprised they have lots of similarities. They don't look alike (but the same body type) but both had been married at a young (same) age as well as getting divorced. They have careers now but once delivered pizzas around the same age. They LOVED fixing cars. Cars was what they loved to talk about. They liked to buy new stuff and try it out (sometimes stupid stuff, example: a rocket and blast it in front of him and a go cart that had a computer seat strapped to it and not fasten good enough.) They went to NC State. I know that they would be best friends if they ever met.

I still talk to all of these guys except for Thief. If he ever talked to me again, I will put his butt in jail (again). Pilotman has his pilot's license to fly small planes, is still with the same girl, and works for a medical equipment company, he gets to travel a lot. Moviefreak is now working in a different state doing what he always wanted to do, a movie projectionist. wow.... Mechanic is working for a big company working with something on mechanical engineering. I don't know the exact title. He doesn't live next to my mom, he has relocated back home. It is sad to go see my mom and see his empty house.

This is the pattern and just hit me yesterday. Guys on the rebound. I didn't realize that this is it. I wished that I wasn't viewed like that but rather as a person to be respected at all times. I have respect for these men and am proud of their accomplishments. I will always love all three of them and I was taught to love those who don't love you back. I have forgiven them for their flaws and mistakes and hope that no other girl will be the rebound girl for them.

This is a difficult time for me. It sucks when someone says that they no longer love you anymore. It makes you not want to trust the next person. I know now I can say I won't date a guy that has recently been separated or divorced or gotten out of a very serious relationship.

God put them in my path to realize this. I am supposed to hit brick walls and have to learn to be strong enough to tear them down. I wished it didn't take four guys but less than that because I don't want to be 30 and unmarried with no children. I love children and want them. I just hope that the father is someone who is willing to be with me.

On Myspace, all three of them are on my friends list. I get a message from Pilotman once in a while or I will send him a message. As for the mechanic, we still talk constantly but I hope he never pushes me out. His family was like Moviefreak's family, once you get attached to a family that is good to you, it's to painful to let go especially when your own family hasn't done much for you in the first place. I did seek them as my second family and hope they they still consider me a part of their family. Last Christmas, I went to Moviefreak's family's house (he wasn't there) and his grandmother still has my picture on the wall. I felt really good about that. Moviefreak and I remain Myspace friends but rarely send messages but his family mattered more to me. As for the Mechanic's family, his parents are way cooler that any parents I have known.

No matter how many guys will crumble my heart, I look to God to find a miracle. I pray that I can move on but still have the lasting friendship with those who affected my life in a good way. I made friends I could trust through them and learned a lot from them as well. Though the bad happens, the good did happen and we can reflect on that. Too bad time punishes us by taking away what we want to hold on to the most.

"Are we beginning again to tell you how good we are? Some people need to bring letters of recommendation with them or ask you to write letters of recommendations for them. But the only letter of recommendation we need is you yourselves! Your lives are a letter written in our hearts and everyone can read it and recognize our good work among you. Clearly, you are a letter from Christ prepared by us. It is written not with pen and ink, but with the Spirit of the living God. It is carved not on stone, but on human hearts. We are confident of all this because of our great trust in God through Christ. It is not that we think we can do anything of Lasting value by ourselves. Our only power and success come from God. He is the one who has enabled us to represent his new covenant. This is a covenant, not of written laws, but of the Spirit. The old way ends in death; in the new way, the Holy Spirit gives life." 2 Corinthians 3:1-6.

My Birthday!

I turn 27 on Monday! I actually took the day off from work! My birthday dinner is this Saturday and then Sunday and Monday I will be at the beach... AGAIN! My friends are taking me to a fondue place on Sunday night and Saturday about 15 of my friends will go to Chili's and a concert! Come join the fun Saturday night!

My Dream.....

I had a dream last week that I wanted to share with you and if you could, leave a comment to tell me what you think it meant. Information that I didn't want to hear the night before the dream was shared with me. I was completely down. After the dream is when I decided to take time off of the computer and focus more on God. I am on the computer now but I am relating this to God and Spirituality.

I was working in an art gallery. It had pieces of art and art supplies for sale. The dream was black and white. I had a customer that picked up a set of markers in a box lined up. Every marker was a different shade of gray except there was one pink marker. The customer asked me, "What am I supposed to do with one pink one?" I replied that he could draw a Rose Flower.

Dreams are meant to be interpreted. I have had many dreams where it tells me my future and it comes true, sometimes they don't. They are just dreams that make no sense. This one was symbolic. I was having bad days and in those bad days, good seems to come out of them. That is when I decided to read the bible and read books that teach how to have positive relationships. I have been doing just that. I have been reading The Five Love Languages for Singles and Seven Habits of Highly Effective People I have felt a lot better but the information that I didn't want to hear still stays with me. I realized that time is the solution to it.

In dark gray days, you will find color somewhere......

WANTS and NEEDS

Let me tell you a story about when I was in middle school.... I was living with my Dad because my mom moved out. My Dad at that time was different. He was more giving to me and I was his only child. I got mostly what I wanted. I remember there was a cool bunk bed I wanted. It had a futon on the bottom and at the top was a regular twin bed. I BEGGED my Dad for days about it and finally he got it for me. I used it most of my middle school years until high school came and I got tired of it. I never really used the top bunk, I should have settled for a futon by itself. I had it all in middle school. I was happy but I was failing big time in middle school that I had to go to summer school the summer after seventh grade. Notice how materialism affects our lives. I was so focused on me that I didn't really care about school.

Now, I don't ask my parents for stuff that I WANT. I do ask them for what I NEED. My Dad remarried and apparently his view on providing for me has somewhat changed. I wished that I could take back the WANTING time and get what I needed.

There is a chapter in the Bible that describes what I am going/went through.

Matthew 4

Verse 1-4Then Jesus was led out into the wilderness by the Holy Spirit to be tempted there by the Devil. For forty days and forty nights he ate nothing and became very hungry. Then the Devil came to him " If you are the Son of God, change these stones into loaves of bread." But Jesus told him, "No! The Scriptures say People need more than bread for their life, they must feed on every word of God."

Therefore the Devil was giving Jesus materials to use but Jesus refused the material for his Holy Father. He was not going to satisfy himself, he wanted to satisfy the Lord. If we satisfy the Lord, we will be given a good life.

Verse 8-11- "Next the Devil took him to the peak of a very high mountain and showed him the nations of the world and all their glory. "I will give it all to you," he said,"If you will only kneel down and worship me." "Get out of here, Satan." Jesus told him, "For the Scriptures say, 'You must worship the Lord your God, serve only Him" Then the Devil went away, and angels came and cared for Jesus."

Instead of being a spoiled brat when I was little, I wished my parents had spent more time reading the bible to me and making me understand that the Word is more important than having that new bunk bed. It was only a temporary thing, the Word is FOREVER! When you see someone with a mansion (with rooms never used), three sports cars (two stay in the garage 24/7), a big pool (used only during the summer), a horse they never ride, you wonder if they have the Holy Spirit in their homes.

I do admit that sometimes I want something I don't need. Over the years after learning my big lesson of being a spoiled brat and how it accomplishes nothing, I have cut back in buying useless stuff.

I remember teaching my students the difference between needs and wants.

NEEDS- things you need to live- shelter, food, medical needs, clothing, a decent mode of transportation to get where you need to go
WANTS- fancy cars or other modes of transportation, big houses, excessive amounts of jewelry, money to spend on whatever, vacationing too much, etc.

I don't judge people if I see them having a big house. I do compliment on their nice house and I am quite honest about it. I would like to have a big house but I don't NEED it. If someone gets a new car, I would love to ride in it! But only God judges and I leave it to him. I just want to live life the plain/normal way and worship and thank him for what I already have.

I have been sad lately because there is one thing I think I NEED but I don't think I will ever get it. While I try to push it in the back of my mind, I still think of it. But I am making a four week goal to stay off of Myspace and Facebook to focus on this blog and Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit. I am trying to think of things I already have. I have the greatest friends and am grateful for their uplifting words and feel that God is speaking through them.

Next time you buy something, ask God if you really need it. He will tell you. I can't answer that for you.

I was an 80s baby!

You Know You Grew Up In The 80's If...

1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE".

2. You watched the Pound Puppies.

3. You can sing the rap to the "Fresh Prince of Belair " ...and can do the "Carlton".

4. Girls wore biker shorts under their skirts and felt stylishly sexy.

5. You yearned to be a member of the Baby-sitters club and tried to start a club of your own.

6. You owned those lil' Strawberry Shortcake pals scented dolls.

7. You know that "WOAH " comes from Joey on Blossom.

8. Two words: Hammer Pants.

9. If you ever watched "Fraggle Rock ".

10. You had plastic streamers on your handle bars... and "spokey-dokes" or playing cards on your spokes for that incredible sound effect.

11. You can sing the entire theme song to "Duck Tales". (Woo ooh!)

12. When it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.

13. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head.

14. You saw the original "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles " on the big screen... and still know the turtles names.

15. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.

16. You made your mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirt in a knot on the side.

17. You played the game "MASH ". (Mansion, Apartment, Shelter, House)

18. You wore stonewashed Jordache jean jackets and were proud of it.

19. L.A. Gear... need I say more.

20. You wanted to change your name to "JEM " in Kindergarten. (She's truly outrageous)

21. You remember reading "Tales of a fourth grade nothing " and all the Ramona books.

22. You know the profound meaning of "WAX ON, WAX OFF".

23. You wanted to be a Goonie.

24. You ever wore fluorescent clothing. (some of us... head-to-toe)

25. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off and his cheeks shifted.

26. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.

27. You took lunch boxes to school... and traded Garbage Pail Kids in the schoolyard.

28. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets.

29. You still get the urge to say "NOT " after every sentence.

30. You remember Hypercolor t-shirts.

31. Barbie and the Rockers was your favorite band.

32. You thought She-ra (Princess of Power!) and He-Man should hookup.

33. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged handmade friendship bracelets.

34. You ever owned a pair of Jelly-Shoes. (and like ..24, probably in neon colors, too)

35. After you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you kept saying "I know you are, but what am I?"

36. You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up"

37. You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates.

38. You ever got seriously injured on a Slip and Slide.

39. You have ever played with a Skip-It.

40. You had or attended a birthday party at McDonalds.

41. You've gone through this nodding your head in agreement.

42. You remember Popples.

43. "Don't worry, be happy"

44. You wore like, EIGHT pairs of socks over tights with high top Reeboks.

45. You wore socks scrunched down (and sometimes still do...getting yelled at by "younger hip" members of the family)

46. "Miss MARY MACK MACK MACK, all dressed in BLACK BLACK BLACK "

47. You remember boom boxes. and walking around with one on your shoulder like you were all that.

48. You remember watching both "Gremlins" movies.

49. You know what it meant to say "Care Bear Stare!"

50. You remember watching "Rainbow Bright" and "My Little Pony Tales "

51. You thought Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot.

52. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.

53. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool... and don't even flinch when people refer to them as "NKOTB".

54. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By the Bell ", the ORIGINAL class.

55. You know all the words to Bon Jovi - SHOT THROUGH THE HEART.

56. You just sang those words to yourself.

57.You remember watching Magic vs. Bird.

58. Homemade Levi shorts. (the shorter the better)

59. You remember when mullets were cool!

60. You had a mullet!

61. You still sing "We are the World"

62. You tight rolled your jeans.

63. You owned a bannana clip.

64. You remember "Where's the Beef?"

65. You used to (and probably still do) say "What you talkin' about Willis?"

66. You had big hair and you knew how to use it.

Leave a comment to tell me what year you were born if you were an 80s child! I was 1980, right on the spot!

Petsitting, what a week!

Pros and Cons about this past week at my cousin Suzy's house:

Pros: My aunt came over to paint Austin's room. He is my cousin's son. His room was sooooo messy and my aunt and I cleaned it up, painted it, and decorated it. He was very surprised when he came home yesterday and thanked me for it (kinda).

The dogs and cats kept me company.Blackie, a mutt rescued from Hurricane Katrina

Raven, a fat but very sweet Dashchund

Brutus, the very quiet Golden (red) Retriever who does retrieve balls!Rascal, the mischievous skinny dachshund.
Tiger and Survi (short for Survivor)
Toby and Butterscotch (the father of the kitten)
Sunshine

(Snowflake was in hiding)

This is one of my summer jobs so I did get paid for taking care of many animals!

Cons:

Rascal got out one day and ran all over the neighborhood with me chasing him, I thought for sure he was going to get hit by a car. Then he saw a neighbor's dog and barked at him through a fence. As I tried to pick up the little bit, he tried to bite me! arrggh! I am ok though.

I got paint on my favorite jean shorts.

Blackie followed me everywhere and rubbed his nose on me all the time. As I tried to play with the other animals, he would cut in and try to bite them (not hard though).

Read about Tiger's Tragedy and Pride!

Tiger's Tragedy and Pride!

Tiger was the pregnant cat that I was petsitting. My cousin told me a while back that Tiger had become pregnant and it was unexpected because she thought Tiger was a boy. Very wrong! I figure she probably would not deliver until my cousin and her family returned from their trip. It was the day before they came back which was Friday, I was awoken by strange noises. Tiger had been acting weird Thursday night and had blood under her tail. I figured that she could do it on her own. When I woke up, I looked under the bed and saw a black kitten searching for its mother and Tiger was acting like nothing had happened. She wanted me to give her attention. I tried to put the kitten with her but she kept walking away from it. She had other kittens in her body and didn't try to deliver them. I thought she might not be ready for them yet. I closely monitored her, she delivered the kitten at eight that morning, and it was lunch time and I thought that it wasn't a good sign. I called the vet that they normally go to, called the neighbors to help put the cat into the carrier because she refused to go into it and rushed her to the vet. When I got there, the vet checked the birth canal and it was open, no blockage. Then they took an x-ray to see how many kittens were there. Three were shown on the x-ray. They induced her and waited, still nothing happened so she had to have an emergency C section. By that time, it was too late to save the kittens, they had died. As soon as Tiger went into labor, the body cuts off the oxygen for the kittens and apparently she didn't try to deliver all of them so they suffocated. I was so sad to hear this, I was also sadden by the x-ray of seeing the kittens who were given life to be cut very short. Tiger was still a kitten herself, she was only a year old. The vet told me that she's not mature enough to be a mother so that my cousin and I would have to help her nurse her baby. They also gave me formula just in case the mother completely gives up. I spend most of Saturday morning and afternoon sitting by Tiger and the kitten to be sure that she stayed with her baby. She wouldn't take care of the kitten unless someone was there with her. Everyone thanked me for saving the mother and the baby. The mother would have died later if I didn't take her to the vet. I was sorry I couldn't save the kittens but now I know a little about birth of kittens. I named the kitten Survi because it is short for survivor. I wanted the name to tell the story of the kitten's birth.

Meet Survi

It had been a long week but I am glad that most of the animals were ok and I didn't get bitten too hard.

No McDonalds?!

I hadn't been posting anything on my blog this week because I was in Holly Springs, NC staying at my cousin's house. Her computer doesn't work well and I couldn't get a wireless connection to use my laptop. I tried to access blogger from her computer but none of the links would work. I had to wait until I got back to Raleigh to write in my blog.

It's been a long week! I first came to Holly Springs (my cousin's house) on Saturday, July 1st. They were just leaving as I got there. I hadn't been to her house and the town in about two years. I heard that Holly Springs had grown up so much in two years. In fact, it is the fastest growing town in the state of NC. It might be true, I heard it went from 4,000 people to 16,000 people in just a few years. However, as my cousin was leaving, I told her I was hungry and asked her where the McDonald's in Holly Springs was. She replied, "There is no McDonald's in this town." WHAT!? I mean they had Andy's, Wendy's, Subway, Quizno's Subs, five Chinese restaurants, a draft house, pizza places but NO MCDONALD'S! I know towns that have a population of 200 and they have a McDonald's. I was shocked! It was the first "big" town I have ever known that didn't have a McDonald's. I had to drive to Fuquay Varina or Apex which were two towns outside of Holly Springs to get a Happy Meal, hehe.

Does anyone out there know a town that is big but doesn't have a McDonalds? Let me know because I am so curious about that. I am not a McDonald's lover (since I found a piece of paper in my cheeseburger, I am not too fond of Mickey Ds anymore!) but every town I know of does have a McDonalds unless it is a town that has less than 200 people.